AdministratorNovember 11, 2021 at 11:10 AM
* ‘which needs attention’ (need)
* ‘ also indirectly a related to insomnia’ ( indirectly related to insomnia)
*’suffer from insomnia, which results in health issues’ (I would use a comma after ‘insomnia’ . It can probably work without the comma. )
This essay addresses the questions directly and uses relevant points in the body paragraphs. The conclusions restates the main points very well.
Always remember that ‘expanding’ and ‘extending’ two main points is better than listing four points without explaining any of them.