ShahbazAdministratorNovember 14, 2021 at 4:37 PM
* “that you will be taking care of my home while I will be away”
(while I am away…)
We use the simple present tense with some time expressions like ‘before, when, until etc. ‘
” I will give it to you when you give me the money” ( not ‘when you will give me..’)
“I won’t give it you until you give me the money” (not ‘until you will give me…’)
* ‘for a business tour’ is not exactly wrong. But, ‘on a business tour’ is more commonly used.
* ‘While I would be away’ (While I am away)
* ‘feed him….with cold chicken’ (we don’t need any prepositions such as ‘with’ with ‘feed’. ‘feed him cold chicken’ is sufficient.
* Last paragraph : a full stop seems missing after ‘care of my home’
* Apart from these errors, the language was very natural and the tone was appropriate . The bullet points were developed very well. This is a well-written letter.