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  • Falak

    Administrator
    November 19, 2021 at 9:30 AM
    280 Network Points
    Activity Points 6270

    Whereas, along with the benefits (,) it came up with significant risks.

    Thesis statement could be more effective (could mention problem or solution)

    data that are available in (on) the internet,

    In body paragraph 1, topic sentence is missing

    it is increasing the hacking numbers per day and cyber threats. ( It is increasing the rate of hacking numbers and cyber threats per day)

    Along with that, due to too much availability of information over internet causes the risk where a child can (just give a check , the issue is not about availability of too much information but how readily it is available)

    potential (potentially) harmful sites

    acknowledge their age. (deny their age)

    eventually to society. ( to is not required)

    as there are both pros and cons for every development that’s happening in the modern world, (I suggest not to project essay as “advantages and disadvantages essay” ; rather it is a problem solution one)

    Band : 3/6

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