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- ‘There was lack of first-aid and was provided very little help’
The second clause ‘was provided…’ cannot connect to a proper subject anywhere in this sentence. ‘There was a lack of first-aid and I was provided…’
- ‘ Most of the shelves in the supermarket are mismanaged which have caused inconvenience for a lot of customers’
(Most of the shelves in the supermarket are mismanaged, which has caused inconvenience for a lot of customers.) [Comma added after ‘mismanaged’]
- ‘Since there is an increase in number of older people’
‘Since there has been an increase in the number of older people’ would sound much better.
- who visit these days to the supermarket
(we don’t use ‘to’ with ‘visit’)
Score : 2.25/3
Your essay has expanded and communicated the bullet points very well. The word choice can be improved.
