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  • Shahbaz

    November 23, 2021 at 9:01 PM
    50 Network Points
    Activity Points 7670
    • ‘There was lack of first-aid and was provided very little help’

    The second clause ‘was provided…’ cannot connect to a proper subject anywhere in this sentence. ‘There was a lack of first-aid and I was provided…’

    • ‘ Most of the shelves in the supermarket are mismanaged which have caused inconvenience for a lot of customers’

    (Most of the shelves in the supermarket are mismanaged, which has caused inconvenience for a lot of customers.) [Comma added after ‘mismanaged’]

    • ‘Since there is an increase in number of older people’

    ‘Since there has been an increase in the number of older people’ would sound much better.

    • who visit these days to the supermarket

    (we don’t use ‘to’ with ‘visit’)

    Score : 2.25/3
    Your essay has expanded and communicated the bullet points very well. The word choice can be improved.

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