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  • Falak

    December 14, 2021 at 1:20 PM

    It can be argued that children perform better at school ,when they are rewarded. (incomplete paraphrasing)

    Conclusion and introduction should be in a sync ( unfortunately , this essay is not following this idea)

    It would be advisable to write concrete topic sentences ( topic sentence of B.P 1 , could be more effective)

    Make use of cohesive devices

    segregate different ideas into distinct paragraphs.

    Band: 3/6

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