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while others beleive (believe)
now a days (nowadays)
cultivated a( a is not required) good manners in him.
However, in contrast to that sometimes its also important to correct the notrious ones, in such a way that they realise their mistakes and get motivated to work for good. (just put one sentence that can justify the punishment should not impact the student adversely)
Overall progression can be observed. Task achievement has been achieved. Definitely, there is room to improve the use of sentence range. Keep writing!!
Band: 4/6
