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word count is 175 words, certainly the response in under length
Many individual(s) believe
topic sentence of B.P 1, is way too general , could be more coherent
should be consists (consist)
, many parents and family members do not believe in such way (It is an opinion based essay , don’t respond it as “discuss both the views”, rather than saying “while parents argue…” , you need to present it as your own idea.
limited use of sentence structure , try to expand body paragraphs with extended ideas.
Band: 2.5/6