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introducing it in students (‘) early career
only on (those) products which are essential,
so he invests money on (in) stock market
now it is (his) passive (additional- as “passive” has already been used) source of income.
effort to make lengthier sentences has been clearly observed. there is clear overall progression. Well established cohesion . But still expecting improvement in sentence range variation and lexical resources.
Keep writing!!
Band: 3.5/6 .
