[Isha Singha]

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Intro:

Education plays a vital role in our life(lives), whether it helps individuals to achieve their goals or lends a hand to improving our society. People tend to help society through the knowledge gained. In turn, education helps individuals to gain knowledge, boost confidence, and grow their social network which aids in achieving their goals. This essay explains both sides of education briefly.

– Introduction will include Paraphrasing along with your opinion.

– your line ” this essay explains both sides of education” is not relevant.

BP1

In considering education as a tool to help our society, there are many pieces of work related to this and also help us learn the basic moral values to improve society. Certain posts intend to improve society and help impoverished villages to ameliorate. For instance, there are central government posts related to KVK (Krishi Vigyan Kendra), where the officials themselves arrange for awareness programs for poor farmers relating to cattle or crops. Moral values like trust, charity, hospitality, etc., help in improvising one’s character, which in turn helps to form a good society.

-Words written in bold are ambiguous, lacking in clarity.

BP2 & conclusion:

In general, the primary goal of education is to pursue higher studies, so that they could(one can) achieve materialistic goals. It also develop a social network among themselves and will have well-developed confidence. Higher education may help individuals advance from their current position and increase their remuneration. For example, people with master’s degrees tend to achieve higher posts and higher pay scales than people with diplomas or bachelor’s degrees. Gaining confidence and social network through education helps them to be excellent and skillful in whatever activities they perform.

Overall, education allows a person to achieve their goals as well as help society. In my thought(opinion), considering education as a way to achieve goals is the foremost value, but through that, we also have to assist our society in our ways.

–-Words written in bold are ambiguous, lacking in clarity.

Rewrite your conclusion.

Band Score – 3.5/6