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People suggest that there should be a flexible age of retirement for employees considering their occupation type. I strongly agree with this view because different occupations demand different effort and therefore, workers in such jobs should be treated differently.
Fairness should be granted by taking into account (the) difficulty level in a job. Some jobs require a lot of physical and mental effort without much period (time) for recreation or relaxation which can cause recurring mental fatigue in some people over a period of time. There fore (Therefore), it is important that employees in such type of jobs have a freedom to enjoy retirement at an early age. For example, as per my observation, I think some jobs are demanding ,so people ignore exercise and healthy habits during their young age while spending a lot of time at their workplaces but these practices can prove to be fatal if continued till late adulthood. Therefore, such people should have benefit of early retirement with less work related responsibilities.
Construction workers and workers with disability should be exempted from working after 60 years of age and should be allowed to enjoy the benefit of pension at an early age. This is because construction workers need great deal of physical strength to carry out tasks like manual labour which is stressful and hazardous after late middle age as people usually start losing physical strength at this age.
Similarly, for people with disability, government should provide age relaxation for retirement so that they can enjoy their late adulthood with less work related responsibilities.In conclusion, depending on the circumstances and type of occupation there should be a flexible age for retirement so that workers like construction workers and people with disability can enjoy pension benefits at an early age.
Feedback:
Well written! Length is appropriate and ideas are connected to topic, but could be better supported with more details. The opinion is clear. There are few linking words / transition words used. Vocabulary repetition – such as “retirement”. There should be more paraphrasing. More advanced vocabulary could have been used in some places. Paragraphing has been skilfully managed. A few Grammar errors are seen but they are minimal in number and hence insignificant.
Band Score : 4.5/6
