AdministratorJuly 21, 2021 at 3:56 PM
As I believe that job satisfaction is more important than earning a big salary, although a big salary provides us more opportunity to improve our living standards. I disagree with the statement that a big salary is more important than job satisfaction. my justification against arguments is given below. (Although a big salary provides us more opportunity to improve our living standards, as I believe the job satisfaction is more important than earning a big salary, I disagree with the statement completely.)
First, I would like to explain that the people who are satisfied with their jobs that (they) enjoy their golden time with peace of mind and stay healthy like professional and skillful individuals like(such as) doctors, engineers, artists, musicians, etc. as compared to the people who are driving themselves to earn more money, mostly we have seen that their lives remained to (be) disturbed due to hypertension, depression, and other health issues. For example, A skilled worker who is earning a reasonable salary against his time and efforts with ultimate satisfaction, he enjoyed (s) his life more than the person who is earning a big salary like giving an example of the Managerial position in the bank who is owning(who owns) a lot of responsibility to fulfill his duties and obligations at timely manner, usually, we have seen that these people are taking more pressure, tension, and depression. Another example of people who are working in the capital market, they are earning big salaries but take a lot of tension and pressure to manage the equity stock and forex trading
However, I am concluding my discussion with the strong belief that job satisfaction is giving (gives us)us more pleasure and joyful time as compared to earn(ing) a big salary that makes our lives miserable with depression and hypertension.
Pay attention to the grammatical errors mentioned and pointed out in the writing. The introduction paragraph is not according to the structure, you should never start with your opinion start with the paraphrasing of the question and give your opinion at the end of the introduction.
Apart from that you needed to make to body paragraphs instead you just put everything in one body paragraph which is not the right way to do things. You will lose points in your structure.
You could do more with the lexical resources by incorporating a few more good vocabulary words.