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  • Writing Task 2 – [Crime]

     Mohit updated 1 month ago 9 Members · 15 Posts
  • Shahbaz

    Administrator
    October 26, 2021 at 3:18 PM
    50 Network Points
    Activity Points 7810

    In some countries, even though the rates of serious crimes are decreasing, people feel less safe than ever before.

    What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it?

  • Silk

    Member
    October 27, 2021 at 2:19 AM
    100 Network Points
    Activity Points 310

    Worldwide many nations have improved major crime rates, still people feel unsafe than before. I will explain the main reasons for this and some strategies to overcome these issues.

    Due to recent pandemic situation many people lost their jobs and so there has been sharp increase in cases like robbery, shoplifting, car and bike theft, protests against government, riots, etc. which are not serious crimes but still people didn’t feel secured coming to my next point for not feeling unsafe is lots of drunk and homeless people are living in the streets which create inconvenience to travel late night or in lonely roads. the last point I want to add is that crimes are conducted mostly by under age 18 for example lots of mid-students are engaged in criminal activity like drug dealing as no one can suspect teenagers involvement in crime and there is no certain punishment for juvenile crimes.

    In my opinion if we improve their quality of life, then there will be less robbery or theft so measure taken for my first and second problem could be applied to increase safety is to offer more jobs opportunity so as to increase the economic status of unemployed citizen. Another strategy would be to raise the number of policemen in dangerous areas where crimes are more often. We could even plant number of CCTV on empty roads or roads with less street lights. For juvenile crimes I suggest school should educate children about day today crimes and family should make them feel protected and if they find any behavioral changes immediately provide them with necessary counselling.

    In conclusion, whereas major crimes have actually been diminished but there has been number of minor crimes making people feel worried and unsafe. Government all around the world should take safety measures to tackle this situation by increasing job positions and planting more policemen and placing number of CCTV on streets.

    • Shahbaz

      Administrator
      October 27, 2021 at 12:33 PM
      50 Network Points
      Activity Points 7810

      * ‘less safe than before’ cannot be paraphrased as ‘unsafe than before’ (unsafe compared to before)
      * Please check out the sample essays that were shared. The ideas are sometimes too crowded in your sentences are not arranged in an organized manner. Several commas are missing. e.g. “In my opinion, if we improve their quality of life” As I have said before, long sentences are necessary, but they should be well-organized and readable.

      * Where you transitioned with ‘coming to my next point’ is where it would have been better to start a new sentence.

      * ‘day today’ (day-to-day)

      Read one of the sample essays closely, paying special attention to how the ideas are arranged and how they are sequenced in the sentences. Make sure that you proof-read your essays well.

      3.5/6

  • Mohit Arora

    Member
    October 27, 2021 at 4:38 AM
    100 Network Points
    Activity Points 1170
    • Shahbaz

      Administrator
      October 27, 2021 at 3:43 PM
      50 Network Points
      Activity Points 7810

      * “has been a matter of concern”
      * “not just for some developing as well as developed countries” (not just for some developing countries, but for some developed ones as well)
      * “In Addition” (unnecessary capitalization)
      * “it’s citizens” should be “its citizens” (look up ‘it’s’ vs ‘its’
      * In the second body paragraph, a comma after ‘state’
      * ‘and also counselling the citizens…”
      * The conclusion was well-written.
      * “not cooperative to lodge a complaint” ( I think it should be : not cooperative when it comes to lodging…)
      * Paragraphing : It doesn’t make sense to me why there had to be two separate paragraphs discussing the solution.

      Similarly, the first body paragraph tried to include three separate points. While there is technically no clear-cut limit to the number of points you can include, I feel that with anything more than two, we end up not being able to expand them properly.

      4.5/6

  • Manju

    Member
    October 27, 2021 at 1:03 PM
    140 Network Points
    Activity Points 840

    Crimes are not new to this world, such incidents have been reported from start of ages. In few countries, although the number of major crimes has gradually declined, yet some individuals feel a sense of insecurity than ever before. This essay will discuss the reasons why this is happening and put forward several solutions to this issue.

    The root cause of this problem is that many people are fearful that their safety net will be breached anytime. While the magnitude of unlawful activities has reduced but the types of crimes are flourishing day by day. In the past, we would hear burglary, abduction, murder as major crimes, whereas in present times cyber crime, child abuse, drug trafficking are emerging as serious offences. Lately, we are seeing smart and professional criminals who can blind citizens with sweet talk and gaining their trust thus leading people to share their personal information and fall for their cheat. Furthermore, family and school are no longer considered as a safe place because most crimes are committed within these secured walls in one form or another. Therefore, many people are dreading the safety of their loved ones in present times.

    There are many solutions of this problem, firstly, government should implement stricter laws for such serious offenders which implies a minimum of 10 year imprisonment. This will eventually bring a fear among the frequent criminals before committing any offense. Secondly, the citizens should be sensitized from time to time how to keep themselves safe in workplace, home or in public through various campaigns, advertisements on radio and awareness on social media sites. Lastly, the judiciary system needs to be fastened so that people’s faith is restored.

    In conclusion, though the crime rates are declining all over the world, individuals are not feeing safe. This can be resolved by taking hard measures in terms of punishment for criminals and spreading awareness among public on keeping oneself safe.

  • Mamta

    Member
    October 27, 2021 at 3:14 PM
    140 Network Points
    Activity Points 2250

    In some nations, heinous criminal cases are decreasing. However, safety concerns of people are increasing as compared to the past. This essay will first look at the reasons why this is happening, and then explore solutions for it.

    The main reason for this increase in safety concerns among people is the advancement of technology. Nowadays, news spreads quickly as compared to the past. People know every information related to theft, robbery, murder, rape and many more as fast as it happened, due to this they feel unsafe. When we looked at the past, they did not know the details of these incidents. In addition to that, unemployment is also one of the reasons because youngsters are not sure about their future and about their jobs, so sometimes they are involved in heinous activities for their basic needs. People are surprised to know that an educated person is doing such types of wrong acts, and those acts spread panic among people.

    In order to solve this, great changes will need to be made. For a start, Government should educate the people through news and news channels that the crime rates are slowing down day by day and provide actual data regarding this. Government should generate more job opportunities and assure youth that their futures are not at risk. It can also provide soft loans at reasonable interest rates , so that many youngsters can start their business.

    In conclusion, safety concerns are a major issue and are increasing. They are caused by the latest technology and unemployment. Government needs to work on these issues just by introducing some awareness campaigns and generating more job options.

    • Shahbaz

      Administrator
      October 28, 2021 at 12:00 PM
      50 Network Points
      Activity Points 7810

      * ‘every piece of information’ ( ‘information’ is uncountable)
      * ‘People come to know…’ or ‘find out’ or’ people hear…’ would have worked better than ‘people know’ here.
      * ‘as fast as it happened’ (as soon as it happens)

      ‘People find out every detail of every theft, rape or murder as soon as they happen’

      * ‘When we looked at the past’ (look )

      * ‘For a start, Government’ (government) [do not capitalize after an introductory phrase]

      * ‘their business.’ (their own businesses)

      Score: 4.5/6

  • Yanshi

    Member
    October 27, 2021 at 6:32 PM
    140 Network Points
    Activity Points 1490

    In some nations, the frequency of serious crimes is on a decline. However, people are still concerned for their protection than ever before, with no sigh of relief. There could be several considerable reasons for safety concerns and this essay will ponder over some of them.

    In a lot of third world and underdeveloped nations, there is an underlying problem of corruption and complacency among the government servants, for instance ministers and police officers, which leads to development of unsatisfactory laws and terrible justice system. A vast number of victims are denied the justice they deserve, with their perpetuators roaming free, without any action being held against them. This issue becomes even more obnoxious if the victim belongs to a lower section of the society, where he is projected to extreme tortures. This leads to the feelings of mistrust, fear and concern.

    In order to combat the situation and get the citizens to trust the officials, the government needs to make serious reforms to curb the corruption. Serious amendments need to be made to make sure the laws passed are righteous and in best favor of each and every citizen, without isolating any section of the society. Often, there is a sense of terror in the minds of common citizens, surrounding the officials and cops, exclusively because of the probable treatment they might get subjected to. This leads to hesitance and under-reporting of crimes. This fear needs to fade away by making it more comfortable and convenient for people to report any malicious activity.

    In conclusion, the decreasing rate of serious crimes is not an assurance of safety for the common citizens, as long as they cannot be ensured of equal judgment and fair delivery of justice. In order to rip them off this hesitance and concern, they need to be provided with satisfactory and righteous treatment.

    • Shahbaz

      Administrator
      October 28, 2021 at 12:07 PM
      50 Network Points
      Activity Points 7810

      * ‘a terrible justice system’
      * ‘perpetuators’ (perpetrators)
      * ‘any action being held against them’ (I think ‘any action being taken against them’ is better)

      *’projected to extreme tortures’ (subjected to extreme forms of torture) [‘projected to torture’ sounds incorrect to me. Please check]

      * ‘In order to rip them off ‘ ( The phrasal verb ‘rip off’ when used in this sense usually has a different meaning. It might not fit here)

      Score: 5/6

  • Sheeba

    Member
    October 27, 2021 at 9:14 PM
    0 Network Points
    Activity Points 3160

    The rates of crimes are decreasing in some countries but, people feel less safe than ever before. This essay will discuss the reason of this problem and the steps to be taken to solve it.

    To begin with, in earlier days, women are not allowed to go out after six in the evening. During those days they faced many social injustices. Now women are working in all the fields and working equally to men. Even though the crimes reduced, they feel less safe. It is because of the crime which occurs somewhere in the country has an impact on their mind. Parents are much worried about their children and they feed fear to their children. Media is one of the main reasons to spread fear among people.

    In addition to that, to overcome this fear, awareness has to be spread among people. Motivational videos help people to come out of their shell. Fear and doubt about the neighbors increase the fear. It is every one’s responsibility to ensure other’s safety. Even though crime is less, some people are scared due to the lack of security. Many patrols have to be available at certain distance. If any person feels insecure, it will be ease for them to approach cop. An application has to be developed for the safety purpose and this application has to be connected with GPS. If anyone is in danger, then a signal through GPS will intimate to nearby police station.

    To conclude with, movies play a vital role to spread fear in the society. People confuse their life with movies and they are scared. The security has to be increased among people to get rid of fear.

    • Shahbaz

      Administrator
      October 28, 2021 at 12:19 PM
      50 Network Points
      Activity Points 7810

      *’ women are not allowed to’ (women were not)
      * The sequencing of ideas could have been improved in the first body paragraph.
      * ‘every one’s’ (everyone’s)
      * In the conclusion you said ‘movies play a vital role to spread fear in the society’. However, this idea was not mentioned in the body paragraph. We always restate what we have already said in the conclusion.

      4.5/6

  • Swati14

    Member
    October 28, 2021 at 2:14 PM
    100 Network Points
    Activity Points 2380

    In many countries, the rate of serious crimes are declining, but people perceive even more insecurity as compared to the past. This essay will first look at the reasons why this is happening, and then explore the solution for it.

    The feeling of insecurity is increasing in some people because of augmented road accidents day by day. Nowadays, a huge number of vehicles run on the road, due to which graph of road accidents also boomed. People usually violate traffic rules, and due to that innocent people lost their lives or sometimes got serious injuries. To illustrate further, in the past vehicles were limited, due to that chart of accident cases was also down, but these days, news about accidents and deaths are very common, which increases the fear of insecurity in the people.

    To solve this, the fine for traffic violations should be increased because if a fine increases it will also lead extra financial burden on traffic violators. Due to this amendment, people will not break any traffic rules in future. Secondly, the procedure for issuing a driving licence should be more strict, so that inefficient people would not get the permit, and it will also help to reduce any kind of casualties.

    In conclusion, due to excessive numbers of vehicles, people often do not feel safe as some drivers do not follow traffic rules which increase casualties, to solve this problem traffic fine should we increased, and procedure for driving licence should be strict.

    • Shahbaz

      Administrator
      October 30, 2021 at 1:50 PM
      50 Network Points
      Activity Points 7810

      * I don’t feel sure about the use of ‘augmented’ in BP1. Please review its use and confirm whether it can be used in the context you intended. It cannot be used interchangeably with ‘an increase in the number of’

      * ‘graph of road accidents also boomed’ ( this is an unusual way of expressing that idea)

      * ‘People usually violate traffic rules, and due to that innocent people lost their lives’ ( innocent people lose their lives…)

      * The question asks why people feel less safe even though there is less crime. Although I can clearly understand your argument, I feel like the essay could have addressed this question in a better way.

      Score: 4.5/6

  • Mohit

    Member
    October 31, 2021 at 9:38 PM
    140 Network Points
    Activity Points 1560

    In many countries , despite off a historical downfall in serious crime rate , the feeling of security amongst people is all time low. This behavior of people is astonishing the Government of those country. Well, this essay will caste the glimpse on the reason of such strange reaction and will provide the suitable treatment to deal with .

    In many country , a noticeable decline in crime rate has been perceived , however contrary to it, the feeling of security amongst the citizens has not been improved but decreased to the minimum. The main reason behind this is that they have faced a very wide torment by the criminals and due to this, they are not ready to believe upon the figures are being shown as low crime rate. They are considering it as a short phase of piece and being afraid that the crime, like wise the sea waves, will definitely return back into the city and thus their consternation can not be ignored.

    Nevertheless , to eliminate their pondering and to resurrect their faith in law & order some major steps need to be taken. They are scaring more not off the crime, but off the criminals so the criminals should be punished before the citizens. It is illustrated further that the criminals who are currently behind the bar should be battered , as they have not committed the crime in their hide-outs, by the police in front of the subjects. This action by the government not only will restore their faith in Law & order but also will be an epitome for others criminals , that who so ever will commit the crime , will be chasten like this. Thus their moral will be rejuvenate and they will feel more secure than ever.

    <font face=”inherit”>Eventually, in spite of a bottom crime rate , the past experiences of people are not letting them to have a breath of sigh and for wining their confidence , the government must punish the criminal </font>specially<font face=”inherit”> before the victims. </font>

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