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Introduction- also problems later on life- rephrase it
BP 1: that can arise that people socialising- that can arise when people socialize
Whereas- include this clause with the previous sentence
reserved- secluded
BP 2: as a result people will get depressed- you have already included this point in the previous paragraph
Write a complete body paragraph 2. Dont leave line in between for second point which started from secondly
fake information- identities
Trap in- get trapped in
Monitoring it- monitor it
Protecting- protect
Conclusion- sum up main points
Band Score:3/6 Keep working!
