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Few people thinks (think) domestic news is more essential while others think knowledge of international incidents is more significant. News is not only an important source of information but also equally relevant for increasing general knowledge. In coming paragraphs this essay will discuss both views and will describe the topic in detail.
On one hand for a portion of citizens local news is very important because they wants ( want) to be in touch with whereabouts (news) of their country. This tendency is popular among people who are having their livelihood by domestic business or services. For example (,) a ( an) urban businessman who purchase (purchases) goods from local market of the other city of the country then, for him it is most important to be aware about incidents of that city like local holidays or office vacation etc( etc.) so that he or she can manage the dates of his or her order accordingly.
On the other hand for people who are aspirant (aspiring) for going ( to go)abroad or appearing (appear) in international exams, for them international information about events and policies of the country they are interested in (is very important). Hence international news becomes a mandatory exercise for them, so that they can acquire current affair’s knowledge and information about flight delay or cancellation as well. Global news is equally important for people who are appearing in national level competitive exams like UPSC, etc.
To conclude, the knowledge of domestic news is significant for some people whereas, knowledge of international current affairs is essential for others. In my opinion eventually, international news should also be given equal importance as local news because, in present condition like Covid pandemic, if we know what is happening in the world (it) is of more use. Moreover with globalisation to be upto date in latest researches across the globe is useful for people of all professions.
Observation :
Please see the corrections above in bold.
1. Subject verb agreement needs improvement.
2. Vocabulary used in wrong context. For example, whereabouts , aspirant…
3. Incorrect use of prepositions in some places. It should be aspire ‘to’ and not ‘for’.
4. Article incorrectly used in some places
5. Punctuation errors – ( etc. )/ For example,
6. Sentence Formation needs improvement.
Feedback:
A good attempt but needs improvement. There are quite a lot of relevant ideas in the answer but they are not always well supported and sometimes they are unclear. There are some areas in the answer where the organization becomes weak and the reader finds the message difficult to follow. Nevertheless, the writer’s view is apparent and there is a logical flow to the points given. There are a lot of mistakes in Grammar such as subject verb agreement, preposition , article and punctuation errors, Although there is some appropriate vocabulary, sentence control is very weak. These problems are made worse by incorrect formation of sentences which makes it difficult to understand the sentence.
Band Score: 3.5/6
