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The graph illustrates the (car) thefts of per thousand vehicles in Great Britain, Sweden, France, Canada from year 1990 to 1999. Overall, Great Britain witnessed the highest (car) robbery per thousand vehicles initially as compared to other three countries.
Initially France and Canada’s vehicle robbery witnessed (robbery of )7 to 8 (cars) per thousand vehicles seeing a downward trend with minor fluctuations over 10 years. At the same time, vehicle (car) robbery in Great Britain hit the highest of all seeing a fluctuation but still staying (at an) all time high of approximately 14 robbery per thousand vehicle till ( at) the end of the period.
In contrast, Sweden who (which) started from 4 per thousand vehicle( car) robbery that is (was) the lowest of all times (among all) witnessed an upward trend outracing France & Canada mid way in 1991 to reach a rate of approximately 14 per thousand vehicles over a decade.
Observations:
Please see the corrections above in bold.
1. Thefts of per thousand vehicles – Thefts per thousand vehicles
2. Great Britain witnessed the highest robbery throughout and not just initially.
3. Great Britain hit the highest of all seeing a fluctuation but still staying (at an) all time high of approximately 14 robbery per thousand vehicle till ( at) the end of the period. – This sentence is describing the data incorrectly.. Great Britain hit an all time high of approximately 20 thefts per vehicle in the year 1996 which plummeted to approximately 14 in the end of the period.
4. ‘who’ is used for living beings and which is used for non – living.
Feedback:
It was a good attempt but the response to the question is not long enough. For Task 1 candidates must write at least 150 words but this answer is below that number. The writing is presented in a satisfactory format. Full sentences are used but in some places the data described is incorrect. It uses a limited range of vocabulary to present the information. The writer shows some awareness of sentence structure however, there are frequent grammatical errors throughout the answer. Pronoun errors who/which can be seen and in some places sentence formation needs improvement.
Band Score : 1.5/3
