[Unknown Member]

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am Sonali, one of the regular customers of your supermarket. I am writing this to complain about mismanaged furniture which caused a injury to my hand.

I met with a minor accident when I was shopping at second aisle of food section while searching for an item on the top shelf. A protruding iron nail on the shelf injured my right hand causing me to go through a lot of pain.There was lack of first-aid and was provided very little help from management.Later, that day I had to take tetanus injection which was again stressful for me.

Most of the shelves in the supermarket are mismanaged which have caused inconvenience for a lot of customers.Since there is an increase in number of older people who visit these days to the supermarket ,they are much likely to get injured due to such careless incidents.

I suggest that regular inspections and an increase in vigilance can avoid such accidents in future.

Thank you.

Yours faithfully,

Sonali

[Shahbaz]

• ‘There was lack of first-aid and was provided very little help’

The second clause ‘was provided…’ cannot connect to a proper subject anywhere in this sentence. ‘There was a lack of first-aid and I was provided…’

• ‘ Most of the shelves in the supermarket are mismanaged which have caused inconvenience for a lot of customers’

(Most of the shelves in the supermarket are mismanaged, which has caused inconvenience for a lot of customers.) [Comma added after ‘mismanaged’]

• ‘Since there is an increase in number of older people’

‘Since there has been an increase in the number of older people’ would sound much better.

• who visit these days to the supermarket

(we don’t use ‘to’ with ‘visit’)

Score : 2.25/3
Your essay has expanded and communicated the bullet points very well. The word choice can be improved.

[Unknown Member]

Dear Sir

I am writing this letter in reference to the inconvenience faced at Wall mart supermarket situated on Altwood Road, London. I am a regular customer of this store
and I usually visit it every alternate day to meet my daily shopping needs.

Yesterday, while shopping through vegetables section, a box full of apples fell on my feet and my left foot got badly scratched. One of the staff member in supermarket
helped me to remove that from the feet and arranged first aid for me. I was totally pleased by the staff behaviour towards their customers.

However, it could have even led to a major accident if that box of apples had fallen on my head. I could even have lost my life. I would suggest you to buy an another warehouse
to keep surplus stock rather than keeping it on top shelves in the supermarket. It can cause serious injuries to the shoppers and might jeopardize your image
in retail industry.

Looking farward for a positive response

Yours sincerely

Mohit

[Shahbaz]

* The sudden sentence breaks are assumed to be formatting errors and thus no comment has been made on them.

* ‘ in reference to the inconvenience faced’ ( I think ‘ an inconvenience that I faced’ would be much better. At the beginning of the letter, before we have talked about what happened, ‘an inconvenience’ would make more sense. Once it has already been introduced, ‘the inconvenience’ is better.

* ‘One of the staff member’ (members)

* ‘pleased by’ ( ‘pleased with’ is much more common)

* Look up ‘how to use ‘suggest” . It is possible to use suggest in this way — ‘I suggest that you do [something]’

* ‘an another warehouse’ (another warehouse) (Don’t use ‘an’ with ‘another’)

* ‘your image
in the retail industry.’

* ‘Looking farward’ (forward)

Score : 2.25 / 3