[Unknown Member]

In the recent times, sports played by females are paid far less attention than those by males. People aren’t as keen and fascinated by women’s games than they should be. This phenomenon takes its shape from stereotypes woven around women and the age old saga of women being inferior to men. This essay shall ponder more over the topic.

Today, many folks seem to have a preconceived notion when it comes to women’s sports. They seem to believe that women are physically and mentally much inferior to men. Therefore, watching women play is is not something desirable for them. Women playing sports is an unsettling deed for many misogynists and male chauvinists, who still believe in the narrative that women ought to do the work that has been traditionally assigned to them. Being good at sports is not perceived to be a very feminine trait and women are often discouraged to further pursue it.

In my opinion, this is a very negative and obnoxious situation as countless talented and passionate women are made to suffer because of the gender they were born with. Women are denied the attention they deserve by the government and public in general. They don’t receive the viewership, funding or support of any other sort they deserve, which ruins and breaks their spirit. In order to curb this situation, the government need to take some serious measures in order to promote women playing sports and encourage people to support them and give them the due attention they deserve.

In conclusion, this situation is just another form of how women are often subjected to unjustified mistreatment by the society. However progressive we might have become, but there still many stigmas and stereotypes attached to women that needs to break. The typical gender roles need to disappear and women’s sports should be supported as much as men’s.

[Shahbaz]

* Make sure to pay attention to logical sequencing of ideas. This essay didn’t have any real problems. However, you must remember to introduce a point first and to give explanations and examples after it. Being able to present a well-developed argument in this way is important for both ‘Task Achievement’ and ‘Coherence and Cohesion’. Trying to include too many ideas in the same paragraph or using a complex idea with many sub-parts can cause problems here.

* ‘often discouraged to pursue it.’ (‘discouraged from pursuing it’ is better)

* The conclusion should be a paraphrased restatement of the main ideas.
* There is a lot of topic-specific vocabulary used with precision. At the same time, some word choices sound a bit unusual.

5.5/6

[Unknown Member]

These days, society pays more attention to men’s sports as compared to women’s sport. This essay will look at the reasons that why that has happened and argue that it is a negative development.

Female players do not get the same treatment and encouragement as received by male players from society. The reason for this discriminatory behaviour by society is, due to the inconsistency of women in their sports careers like they take a break within their careers. Additionally, female players take retirement within a few years whereas men play for several years and because of that men receive more popularity and have a huge fan following as compared to women. To illustrate, a male player generally gives 20 years to his career but a female player gives barely 10 years to her career and takes retirement. Because of this, men’s sport is more popular than women’s sport in society.

It is a negative development because this attitude thwarted the women and lessen their morale. Due to discouragement from society, they are feeble and not able to give their concentration to their sports. This is also distraught to those women who want to build their careers in sports.

To conclude, because of irregularities and early retirement of women players, society does not pay much attention to their sports, but due to this attitude, women players lost their confidence and feel abandoned. This behaviour also snatched the dreams of aspirants who want to make a carrier in sports.

[Shahbaz]

* “the reasons that why that has happened” (the reasons why….) not (the reasons that why…). “why that is happening” might be better than ”why that has happened”

* “by society is, due to the” (no comma necessary here)

* “because this attitude thwarted the women” (why the past tense here? Since we are discussing the topic in a general way, “this attitude thwarts” is what you would use) A similar problem in “women players lost their confidence and feel abandoned” (lose)

* “This is also distraught” (We do not say “This is distraught” , we usually say “I was distraught”, “he was distraught” etc. )

* “career” misspelled as “carrier”

4.5/6

[Unknown Member]

Over a few decades, the sport became more famous and gained lots of popularity among the people. However, people are more interested in men’s sport than women’s sport. This essay will discuss the reasons for it. In my opinion, this has a negative impact on the career of women players.

There are lots of reasons for this discrimination. First and foremost is the male dominated society. From the last many years, men have been thinking that they are superior to females and they only have the right to do activities such as job, enjoyment and many more. One the other hand, females are meant for household chores and they are to obey their rules. So, if women want to do something for their careers, men don’t like it and do not support them. That is why they get less attention in every field. Similarly, the government hardly promotes sports related to females and provides them a platform to prove themselves.

To suppress the talent of the women players, males generally do not want to see them growing. This is a very negative situation because it shows our society still has the problem of gender equality. Females do not get a chance to show their talent and creativity. They feel frustrated and ashamed to be a woman. Furthermore, they think that they are not up to men. Mostly female athletes who participate in any sport feel inferior as the reason they dropped out.

In conclusion,

females get less chance to prove themselves in sports because of the mentality of society and the promotion process. Sometimes they are not equally treated as men resulting in irritation and depression. According to me, this is a negative development because it shows we still live in a gender discriminating society.

[Shahbaz]

* ‘the sport’ ( Since we are talking about sports in general, ‘sports’ would be better here without ‘the’)
* ‘men have been thinking’ (this tense is not appropriate here – please look up ‘stative verbs’ and also ‘I think vs I am thinking’)
* ‘and they only have the right’ (and only they have the right)
* ‘the government hardly promotes sports related to females and provides them a platform to prove themselves.’ (Please look up ‘and/or in negative sentences’)
* ‘who participate in any sport feel inferior as the reason they dropped out.’ ( what you meant is ‘and as a result they drop out’ . I’m not sure if ‘as they reason’ can work here. The tense in ‘dropped out’ is wrong, it should be ‘drop out’ because we are talking about something general here)

Score : 4.5/6

[Abhinav]

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[Unknown Member]

In current times, a greater share of the sporting spotlight is shone on men’s sports than on the sporting activities of females. The primary reasons are long-standing notions of male physical superiority in all dimensions of life, including sports and the higher investment in infrastructure and playing opportunities for men from a nascent stage. The essay believes that the present situation deprives women of their share of recognition. It elaborates upon the reasons and the outcomes of the situation, followed by a logical conclusion.

The belief in the greater physical prowess and athleticism of men is widespread in current times. Numerous persons feel that men are biologically tougher than women, which makes their sporting action more exhilarating. The limited physicality of women does not make for an equally eventful experience as their sporting events are considered to be comparatively dour and timid. Additionally, social and cultural beliefs regarding channeling the independent and playful nature of men into constructive activities leads parents to encourage boys to join sports from an early age. For the girl child, the domain of participation is the household. Infrastructure is accordingly developed. The various cricket clubs for boys and young men dotting the expanse of India serve as an example.

The limited focus on male sporting excellence prevents women from following their passion. Women have to overcome adverse social beliefs to even register their participation in sports. Once they enter the sporting arena, facilities are limited for them. The absence of female toilets and women coaches, as well as instances of sexual and psychological harassment by male peers and trainers, deters many young girls and their family members from pursuing their passion into a full-fledged career. Even when they reach the pinnacle of their sport, the tendency to decry their achievements on account of poor competitiveness leads to a devaluation of their performance. Tennis, long considered to be a bastion of gender equality, continues to dole out lower pay-cheques to female players.

In conclusion, it must be said that participation of women in sports should be given as much prominence as men. Socio-cultural barriers to participation should be confronted and their performance should not merely be seen from the prism of mere physicality but the nuances in their game should be equally appreciated.

[Shahbaz]

* This essay is 377 words long. The minimum word limit is 250. There is no upper word limit and a long essay, in itself, won’t hurt your score. However, a longer essay might leave us with less time to proofread what we have written. Likewise, a longer essay might include ideas that are not relevant or ‘focused’.

* While answering a two part question, we use the first body paragraph to answer the first question and the second one to address the second question. I felt that the second body paragraph’s focus was not as clear as the first one’s. The second question was ‘Do you think this is a positive or a negative situation?’ The point about the absence of toilets and women coaches was still answering the first question ‘what are the reasons?’. The second paragraph should be discussing the positive or negative aspects of the situation.

* ‘In conclusion, it must be said that participation of women in sports should be given as much prominence as men.’ Please check out the conclusions in the sample essays. The main purpose of the conclusion is to restate the main points. We can include a recommendation, but after restating the main points in a condensed form.

Score : 5/6

[Abhinav]

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[Abhinav]

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[Abhinav]

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[Abhinav]

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