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WRITING TASK-1 Bar Graph & WRITING TASK-2
Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first punishment.
Why is this happening?
What measures can be taken to solve this problem?
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4 Replies
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This bar charts describes that leisure activities done by Chinese, American, Turkish and Brazilian tourists
on holidays in Greece in August 2019.
Overall, Chinese people spent their most of time reading books while Brazilian spent their time on beaches.Chinese and American tourists have spent most of their times reading books for 8 hours and 5 hours respectively where as Turkish and Brazilian have spent 4 hours reading books. Chinese and American tourists have not visited places and Turkish and Brazilian have spent around 3 hours in visiting places.
Turkish and Brazilian have been at beach for 6 and 5 hours respectively. moreover, American and Chinese have spent very less time in visiting places .Turkish and Brazilian have been at the beach for around 4-5 hours however they have spent their most of time in doing leisure activities.
-Try to write more while comparing in 2nd para.
-Use more adverbs and adjectives, example- comparatively, gradually, exponentially, etc.
Overall= 2/3
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Nowadays crime rates have been increased considerably in today’s world, some people believe that many offenders commit more crime after serving their first punishment. This essay will discuss about how this trend happened and what are the steps that can be taken to solve this problem.
The first and foremost thing is that, the prisoners who get first their punishment faces many struggles in prison. On the other way, person who gets long punishment due to their serious crimes often change their characters. They get interacted with other offenders who are serving long imprisonment. The reason behind this is, it gets worse situations in prison for individual to survive with other offenders with serious crimes. Secondly, people who get their punishment also faces many issues in society, society treats them like a criminal even after getting bail. Therefore, they feel themselves isolated from the society and this may lead them to commit more crimes as they already have an stamp of criminal.
In order to solve this problem, people who have served first punishment should be sent to rehabilitation center. Moreover, people are being <font color=”rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)” face=”inherit”>sent to rehabilitation </font>center<font color=”rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)” face=”inherit”> for various problems such as drug addicted or prisoners. It can help them in </font>rejuvenate<font color=”rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)” face=”inherit”> their mind and it may </font>lead them to commit less crime. Furthermore, there are some changes which need to be done in society to do not differentiate with them after getting bail.
To conclude, it has been often seen that prisoners commit more crime after their punishment. However, this problem can be tackled by sending them in rehabilitation center. Besides this, the perception of society should also be changed to get rid of this issue.
-‘To begin with’ is missing
-Lack of examples
– Needs proofreading once.
Overall= 5/6.
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-Grammatical errors
-use of superfluous words
Overall-5/6 bands.
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@Ishween mam kindly evaluate my passage.
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