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Writing Task 2- Opinion Essay
Many people believe that social networking sites(such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society.
Do what extent do you agree?
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11 Replies
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There is no doubt that social platforms like Facebook, Instagram and Twitter have enormous and adverse effects on both individuals and society. I completely agree that with the advent of these social networking sites there is a huge risk of cyber-crimes and personal information being leaked.
To begin with, the threat of cyber crimes these days have become a serious issue. A lot of users selling the items through Facebook and Instagram tends to steal the hard-earned money of the people. Also, the personal data is at risk when it is shared on these sites. Hackers copy the information to use them to create separate social accounts. In addition to, people are getting addicted becoming internet worm. The sedentary lifestyle followed by them is the reason for various health related problems such as eye strain and obesity. People waste many hours on their smart phones and computers, gradually effecting their performance at the work.
Furthermore, the effects of social media can be seen on society also in the way that people end up making hundreds and thousands of friends on the internet, but they do not have time to visit and talk to those who are sitting next to them. They are busy making fake friends and no idea about the real world around them. Consequently, no close and supportive relationships. Our society has a whole is scattering as everyone is busy with online friends whom they never had met face to face or in the near future.
In conclusion, although Facebook and other sites are beneficial to some extent, I strongly agree that they have had a huge negative impact on individual and society. People should spend more time talking to their close and near ones and utilize their precious time more wisely.
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INTRODUCTION: paraphrase the question statement
enormous- incorrect word choice
BP 1: these days have- has
selling- are selling
tends- tend
to use them- and use it
In addition to- incorrect usage of linking word
becoming internet worn- and become internet worm
BP 2: no idea- have no idea
no close and- have no close
has a whole- as a whole
never had met- they have never met
or in the near- or shall meet
Conclusion- individual- individuals
BAND SCORE: 4/6 Keep working
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Thanks for the feedback mam, I will surely work upon it.
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To what extent do you agree? Please
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Social networking sites, for instance Facebook, are thought by few it has a detrimental effect on individual people as well as worldwide. However, I believe that such sites are largely beneficial to an individual, but I agree that these sites have a damaging effect.
With regards to individuals, the impact of social media has had on each individual person has clearly benefited. Firstly, people from different countries are able to connect easily through such sites as Facebook whereas before the development of technology and social networking sites, people rarely had the chance to meet or communicate with anyone outside of their immediate circle or community. For example, Facebook had such impact worldwide which offer individuals a chance to communicate easily and share common interests.
On the other hand, the effect that Facebook and other social networking sites have had on society has noticed a negative impact. Rather than people taking part in local activities, they insist on using social media and which is causing a restriction of people gathering. Furthermore, society as a whole is becoming increasingly disjointed and fragmented as people spend more time online with people they have never met rather than communicating with locals.
To conclude, although social networking sites have brought individuals closer together and has been beneficial but they have caused detrimental effect on the society or local communities. People should do more to try and involve with others in local activities in order to promote the future of healthy life than being constrained.
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Feedback: Well attempted with good use of cohesive devices, content is good, just need to work on unnecessary grammatical errors due to incorrect formation used highlighted in bold. Rest keep it up.
Band: 4/6
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Social networking sites have now become a part of people’s life and have a huge impact on their lifestyles. It is believed by a large number of people that these sites have more of an adverse impact on a person’s life and on society. This essay will argue why the impact of social media on a person or society is more towards the negative end than the positive.
Social media has provided a platform for people to connect with old friends and also make new ones. They are able to talk with people all around the globe and get to know so many things about them, their life, and also their culture. People are able to share their life through photos and videos to friends and family with ease. These points have popularized the platform but the expectation is far away from the truth.
However, the bleak world behind the smiley faces on social media are so dark and gloomy. Talking with strangers and learning about new cultures seems perfect but not so much when people get harassed and their personal informations are leaked. Although people are able to share their photos and life they are judged for having scars and acne which is common. The influencers who are thought to be having a successful and amazing life are scorned upon, despised for their color, and are called out for being fat. These sites have made unrealistic beauty a benchmark and in order to reach this plastic surgeries and anorexia are becoming more and more common. People cut themselves off from friends and family instead they spend all their time to reach this benchmark so that they would be loved by everyone. In turn, they forget there is so much to do in life than to please the opinions of someone whom they might never meet in life.
In conclusion, I strongly agree that the negative impact of social media outweighs the positive in a person’s life and also on society. People should learn to love themselves and spend time with family and friends instead of trying to please others.
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Introduction: lifestyles- lifestyle
large number of- many
more of an- an
write thesis statement with main points
BP 1: platform for: platform to
videos to- videos with
with ease- easily
These points- do not include words like these points
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Social networking websites are thought to have an adverse impact on individuals as well as. Their society by lots of people. I totally disagree with this statement for several reasons that I will explain in the following paragraphs.
To start with, social community enabled families and friends to communicate with each other on a daily basis. To illustrate, lots of family reunion stories were raised via using Facebook as well as friends reconnecting with their childhood mates. Nowadays, family members who live in another country can share their precious moments with other members instantly through the Snapchat application.
Moreover, intercommunicating allowed students to have a massive number of chances to explore different areas that interest them and learn a lot about them. To elaborate, many courses are broadcasted lively on Instagram free of charge which is beneficial for them on both educational and budgetary aspects. Also, cooking recipes are shared by famous chefs on Snapchat helped mothers to provide various fabulous dishes from international cuisines.
Furthermore, the internet community helped young traders to start their businesses by exposing them to different categories of customers with almost no cost. For instance, Instagram users can use this platform to advertise their products at a low cost while attracting customers worldwide. In addition, the internet market became the first and easy choice for any start-up company to check whether the customers would like their product or not.
In conclusion, Social networking has many advantages that benefit individuals and their society as well as help them to advance in their careers and life.
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Social networking websites are thought to have an adverse impact on individuals as well as. their society by lots of people. I totally disagree with this statement for several reasons that I will explain in the following paragraphs.
To start with, social community enabled(enables) families and friends to communicate with each other on a daily basis. To illustrate, lots of family reunion stories were raised via using Facebook as well as friends reconnecting with their childhood mates. Nowadays, family members who live in another country can share their precious moments with other members instantly through the Snapchat application.
Moreover, intercommunicating (Inter-communication) allowed students to have a massive number of chances to explore different areas that interest them and learn a lot about them. To elaborate, many courses are broadcasted(broadcast = it has no forms like put) lively (live) on Instagram free of charge which is beneficial for them on both educational and budgetary aspects. Also, cooking recipes are shared by famous chefs on Snapchat helped mothers to provide various fabulous dishes from international cuisines.
Furthermore, the internet community helped young traders to start their businesses by exposing them to different categories of customers with (for)almost no cost. For instance, Instagram users can use this platform to advertise their products at a low cost while attracting customers worldwide. In addition, the internet market became the first and easy choice for any start-up company to check whether the customers would like their product or not.
In conclusion, Social networking has many advantages that benefit individuals and their society as well as help them to advance in their careers and life.
Feedback:
Few more grammatical errors popped up. These are not specifically sentence construction errors but more of word usage.
Other than that the sentence construction in paragraph framing is excellent.
Band Score: 5.0/6.0
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