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WRITING TASK 2: OPINION ESSAY:EDUCATION
The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology.
To what extent do you agree?
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20 Replies
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PFA
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Please Find the attached document
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Education plays a crucial role in molding children to face today’s fast paced world. Some people think that art and music should be removed from school syllabus so that children can concentrate on professional subjects. I disagree with this view because cultural subjects can inculcate creativity in students and allows the to have a passion in life.
One of the main advantages of learning arts and music is that it helps children to develop inherent creativity. This will hep them in taking part in extra-curricular activities, therefore their talent gets established. Many governments foster schools in their respective countries to allocate special training for non academic activities, which will help them shine not only professionally but also culturally. Hence, arts and music play a significant role in enhancing the cultural heritage of a country.
Furthermore, learning cultural subjects will allow children to develop a passion in life. For instance, many students do not know what they are interested in until they are given an exposure to such subjects at school. This would allow them to explore and find the right direction towards finding the activities they love indulging in. The more the students are allowed to experiment with different subjects, the more easier it would be for them to identify their talents and capabilities.
In conclusion, though studying professional subjects like information technology may seem to be useful for students, cultural subjects allows them to find their hidden talents and also helps to improve creativity and uniqueness. Hence, schools should be encouraged to teach such subjects to their children.
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INTRODUCTION: allows the- allow them
BP 1: therefore- therefore,
BP 2: Furthermore- Moreover
the more easier- the easier
it would be- it becomes
CONCLUSION: subjects allows- subjects allow
helps- help
BAND SCORE: 4/6 Keep Writing!
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Simple Sentence:-
Education is essential for children’s of modern world. Separate time has been allotted for art and music classes. Important subjects like Information Technology needs more focus nowadays.
Compound Sentences:-
Education is essential for children and modern world needs it. School allocate time for art and music and for Information Technology subject are also important.
Complex Sentences:-
Education plays a vital role in preparing students because modern world needs it. There is always a debate around whether student’s time should be divided between art and craft and Information technology.
Compound-Complex Sentence:-
Though each curriculum plays an extremely important role in children’s life, they schedule their day for each, and work hard for them.
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Simple: children’s – children
Compound: School allocate- School can allocate
and for Information Technology subject are- but Information Technology subject is
Complex sentence is incorrect
Compound Complex- rewrite clearly
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Complex Sentences
1. Schools must advocate the subjects related to art and music even though parents want only subjects based on logic such as information technology, mathematics, etc.
2. It is imperative that schools include a variety of subjects in their curriculum because it helps students to develop desired skills by opting for subjects of their choice.
3. A student can not perform well in subjects based on mathematics if his or her mind is more inclined towards the subjects pertinent to art and craft.
4. While we are appreciating the steller advancement of science and technology, one cannot deny the importance of art and music.
5. Schools should be allowed to remove the art and music subjects from the curriculum provided that parents are well informed about the proposal.
Compound Sentences
1. The subjects related to art make students more creative and subjects such as mathematics, information technology, etc help students to develop the logical part of the brain.
2. Schools are adding new subjects based on music and parents are very excited about this change.
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Complex sentence- 1) even though- even if
the second sentence is not complex
4) steller- stellar
are appreciating- appreciate
one cannot deny the importance of art and music- the importance of art and music cannot be denied
5) the art- art
use conjunctions to join subordinate and main clauses.
Compound: write the second sentence more clearly.
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The purpose of education is to equip the children with the knowledge they need for the present world. Useful subjects like information technology should be given more weight than other subjects like art and music that have to be omitted. I completely disagree with this teaching methodology as by learning subjects like arts and music at a tender age, the child may develop an interest and can earn a livelihood later on in their life.
Everyone is different and unique in their own respective ways. Some children may not find core subjects and teachings fascinating. They would rather develop an interest in other subjects such as art and music. Learning these skills at a young age helps them nurture their hidden talent and they can pursue a career in it. Art and music are being perceived as boring and uninteresting but they can be very satisfying and fruitful to those individuals that have an inborn talent. Children can, later on, develop their talent by enrolling later on in a degree in these fields. This will be a means of livelihood for them, and they can be quite successful as their passion will drive their ambition.
Everyone has different tastes and not all individuals would find subjects like IT interesting. Some students may not be good in mathematics or science and it is his personal preference that makes him opt for his field of choice. On another note, both art and music help in promoting the nation’s culture and heritage. If the person becomes exceptionally good at his work, he can help in bringing fame and make his country proud. Remarkable paintings and classical music are prime examples that make a rich culture of the country. Had the children not been given a taste or developed an interest in such domains, they would not be able to create or appreciate these art forms and the countries treasures would be forgotten and lost with the generations to come.
To conclude, to preserve the culture and heritage of a country, we must not cut subjects like art and music from the school curriculum. Some students will really enjoy these subjects and they will hone their inner talent and make a successful career out of it.
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INTRODUCTION: Paraphrase clearly and then state your opinion in the thesis statement with main points
BP 1: ways- way
later on- redundant
BP 2: it is his- it is their
him- them
his field- their field
rich culture of the country- that make the culture of a country rich
the children- children
BAND SCORE: 3/6 Keep Writing!
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Education plays a vital role in shaping every child’s future and preparing them for the modern world. While some people believe that cultural subjects such as art and music should be cut from their curriculum, others believe that the children should pay more attention on their academics which includes the subjects such as information technology. I completely disagree to the fact that cultural subjects should be cut and opine that these subjects must be given the same importance as the academics due to a number of reasons.
Firstly, subjects such as art and music help students to develop various creative ideas and think out of the box. In the modern times, students feel pressured due their academics and attending music or art classes will refresh their mind. If they participate in these extra curricular activities, they will be able to focus better. These subjects also help in developing cognitive skills of children. For instance, the recent studies have suggested that students who participate in the non-academic subjects are more confident, creative and have a better decision making.
Secondly, participating in the extra curricular activities will help students identify their area of interest. It’s not necessary that every child would perform excellent in academics but they may be excellent in the non academic subjects. For this reason it is important for them to explore every area to pursue a better career choice for themselves. If they receive training at school, it would be beneficial for them as they can enhance their skills for a shining future ahead of them.
In conclusion, adding subjects such as art and music will not only make the students proficient in their area of interest but would also enhance their approach of mind and focus.
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INTRODUCTION: the children- children
disagree to- disagree with
write a clear thesis statement
BP 1: the recent- recent
BP2: excellent- excellently
CONCLUSION: but would- but also
BAND SCORE: 3.5/6 Keep Writing!
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Education has proven to be the most significant medium to prepare children for the future. Although studying subjects such as computers, information technology can prove to be of immense benefit, extra curricular activities like art and music shapes the mind of a child from a very young age to tackle future problems in a more practical manner. I believe, art and music should be given equal importance as part of the school curriculum, along with other subjects.
It has been seen that since the ancient time, art and music has played very crucial role in the history, depicting the creativeness, and soulfulness of people during that era. In the similar manner, in today’s world, many artists are highly appreciated and respected in their respective field of art and music. Making children familiar to such practical subjects not only creates a strong bond with the community, but also sharpens the young mind so that they can think in a more creative and artistic manner while solving a problem. A professor in North Korea, conducted a case study between two groups in a primary class. One group was taught art and music along with other subjects, whereas the other group only learnt about the theoretical subjects. After the exams, it was seen that the group that practiced art and music scored better than the other group. Therefore, keeping a child’s mind occupied with art and music not only provides relaxation but also stimulates better understanding of other things. Additionally, it has been seen that many people have attained huge success in the music and art field, thus, it can be considered as one of the career option as well, if a child is doing well in it rather than other traditional subjects.
On the other hand, since everything is now digitalised and working on data management and statistics is the need of the hour, schools ought to include subjects such as information technology as they provides numerous career options for. child. However, working with information and data is a highly intensive and tiring task, keeping oneself indulge in some sort of distractions helps in the relaxation of the mind and this is where art and music comes into picture, as they help in the best possible ways to learn concentration. Although, information technology subject cannot be disagreed to be a useful subject, schools must not ignore the benefits music and art brings in a child life.
To sum up, schools must not remove music and art from the curriculum and give equal weightage to them as to other subjects. Apart from providing mind and health benefits such as relaxation and concentration, music and art are proven to be life altering career options.
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Don’t write country’s name in the example
BAND SCORE: 4.5/6 Keep Writing!
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What kind of human being do we want our children to be, is it a nerd or a street smart person? I hope most of us want to have a child who has a wholesome personality to deal with the challenges of the future. Art and music play a very important role in the development of a child. However, some people opine that these subjects should be removed from the curriculum to make space for other contemporary subjects such as information technology. I am in total contradiction to such an opinion and in subsequent paragraphs, I shall share my statements in support of my opinion.
Art and music are included in the syllabus of the schools to inculcate creativity in the child, which is one of the most important traits. If someone does not have creativity, they will not be able to excel in their life, as we are living in a world wherein uniqueness and innovations are key to success. We all had two kinds of students in our class, one kind of students were bookish worm and others who were active in the curriculum as well as extracurriculars and if we compare these two now, we will realize that students who were active in all the areas are much more successful than other.
Further, I am not against the idea of inclusion of more relevant subjects in the syllabus such as information technology, financial management or data science, etc. but those should not be at the cost of art and music, we may sacrifice some other subjects, which have lost relevance in current times or these modern subjects may be included as optional in the schools. Even in my school, financial management was included as an optional in higher secondary school and a lot of students have opted for the same.
In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that a very important role is played by music and art in the overall development of the child, hence those should not be removed from the syllabus.
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With the boom in Information Technology, there has been a debate that the art and music subjects should be removed from the syllabus and instead the computer subject should be given more weightage. But should this be done at the cost of removing art and music subjects? I disagree with the statement and will support my view with the help of the following paragraphs.
Firstly, if we take an example of today’s situation, we see that the Information Technology sector, what we commonly say IT sector, is one of the rapidly rising sectors and hence it will be no wrong to say that the schools should focus more on these subjects. But the subjects like art and music give insight into the country’s culture. If the cultural subjects are discarded, a person, for instance, may not be aware of what types of genres are being played in his/her country. Also, some of the talents will remain hidden when no art and music competition will take place in schools.
Secondly, there are many people who actually look at themselves as an artist or a musician in their future and cutting out these subjects will results in losing their interest in schools. Not only this, if attempts are made to exclude these subjects from the syllabus, students will be forced to focus on other areas that are in the curriculum which may not interest them and as a result, they may end up not going to school. Also, for some, these subjects are the form of escapism from studies as for instance, schools often organise art competitions to lighten the exams pressure on students.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that the music and art subjects should also be given equal weightage as the other subjects in every school and it should be the choice of a student to opt for the subject he/she is interested in.
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Ma’am here is my answer.Please do give your valuable feedback
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Fast food nowadays is attracting people in the modern era as their main meal. There are certainly more disadvantages of eating fast food on a daily basis as it causes obesity leading to many medical issues in the future. Take aways available in the towns can save a lot of time of the people working away from home but on the other hand overconsumption of fast food could lead to many serious health issues.
Fast food being very affordable nowadays is attracting a lot of people towards it. People often skip the healthy food because it takes time, effort and even a lot of money. Nevertheless, there are variety of fast foods available in the market at very affordable prices which not only saves money but also give people a wide variety of foods to choose. Moreover, people do find fast food tempting more than home made food that they cook.
On one hand it is very time saving and inexpensive but on the other hand fast food brings a lot drawbacks with it. The first one is that it is very unhealthy, though homemade food takes a lot of effort and time to get prepared but certainly it contains all the nutrients that our body requires to grow and to stay healthy. The second drawback of eating fast food is that it causes obesity because the food contains high amount of carbohydrates and fats which, if gets over consumed can cause problems like hypertension, diabetes and so on. The third drawback comes with the concern of the environment. People often prefer take aways when it comes to junk food. The consumption of plastic to pack the food is somewhere harming the environment and the use of plastic bags is one reason for the increasing rate of global warming in the world.
In conclusion, fast food has advantages to some extent but the disadvantages of fast food which are affecting the health and the environment at the same time outweighs the advantages. Therefore, it is necessary to be aware of what to consume for leading a healthy life.
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BP 1: there are variety- there are a variety
On one hand- one the one hand- start your BP 1 with this phrase and BP 2 with On the other hand
Conclusion: summarise main points
Band Score: 3.5/6 Keep Writing!
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