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use comma after dear sir/madam
first of all, stick to the structure of the letter, it should only have one intro paragraph(containing opening line followed by paraphrased topic statement/purpose of writing letter), followed by three body paragraphs, describing the bullet points, one closing line at the end, that’s it. pls follow this format only or else you lose marks for coherence.
The details about the lost product are more than needed, dont forget that only 150 words are required, writing more than that doesnt cost you score but time. and trust me, 1 hour is less to complete both tasks, if you dont plan. remember, every extra word is costing you time that you require to complete task 2.
there are several grammatical errors apart from structure
you need to be specific about place, time, date of the stolen thing.
use punctuations where required, they carry marks.
dont use thanks
you have already written closing line, after which only yours faithfully, and first and last name is required in formal letter
