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the letter part has the minimum requirement of 150 words, any word exceeding that limit is costing you time that you would need to invest in planning and writing essay, which carries double weightage compared to letter. why to waste time on letter which will yield nothing. planning of this one hour is as important as writing both tasks. your letter is way to long, it is approximately equal to length of the essay, which is totally waste.
secondly, stick to format, the structure. A letter should consist of intro para with a hint of reason for writing the letter, after writing dear first name and comma
then 1st body para
then 2nd body para
3rd only if topic demands, otherwise closing line
and finally love/regards etc with comma
and your first name at the end
informal letter like this should have absolute chatty language, make sure of using only contraction wherever possible. but strictly keeping in mind the structure of letter. try your best to use complex sentences
for example – use you’re, would’ve, could’ve, shouldn’t, can’t ets
scorching heat wave of desert is correct. scourging heat wave of desert is wrong
at one place you have written dessert, which means sweet that we eat after a meal.
your accomodation have been taken of, as i have chosen centerly located and most pocket friendly hostel, which is close to most of the attractions in the city. for example, make it sound friendly.
para 3rd and 4th could have been one, as you are informing him about the activities and attractions in your city, keep it in one paragraph.
always remember to stick to structure of letter, which i mentioned above. it carries marks
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