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AdministratorJuly 6, 2021 at 11:29 PM600 Network PointsActivity Points 3920
Introduction paragraph does not clarify your opinion explicitly.
To commence with and firstly, should not be used together.
First and second body paragraphs should have been kept together because they are elaborating from one side. Third body paragraph needs a little more explanation.
Band Score: 4.0/6.0