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  • NIL Admin

    Administrator
    July 15, 2021 at 11:16 AM
    1350 Network Points
    Activity Points 5940

    Several countries are facing a huge increase in the level of crime especially among teenagers. In the following paragraphs I will discuss some of the reasons that led to such raise and propose few possible solutions for the same.

    To begin with, the family breakdown and lack of support to their offsprings plays(play) a crucial role in elevating the crime rate in the community. For example, working parents spend most of their time outside their house which weaken their relationship with their kids by having(leaving) less time to guide them and provide help whenever they are in trouble. Another point is that the amount of violence in recent movies has increased significantly mostly(especially) in teenagers movies(movies made for teenagers). To elaborate, crime and action films expose the young individuals to extremely dangerous actions and ideas that without adults supervision can easily make them try to mimic them.

    In order to reduce teenager’s high rate of crime, there are several suggestions. First of all, the families has to spend more time with their young kids and provide their support and give advice when they have doubts. For instance, when a youngster has a problem with one of his friends, his parents should instruct him how(to) deal with it without being aggressive. Moreover, The government should prepare more activities for teenagers that will keep the busy during their free time. An example for that is to engage them in the community services and give them some rewards when they do well.

    In conclusion, the increase in the crime level happened due many reasons and there are many suggestions to solve such problem to have a productive individuals that are able to support their countries effectively.

    Feedback:

    There are a few grammatical errors noted.

    Structure of the paragraphs and the content is satisfactory, however the complexity of the sentences could be better.

    Vocabulary usage remains an issue. Try to include few good words.

    Band Score: 4.5/6.0

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