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Some people prefer high wages while other prioritise work satisfaction. I completely agree that one need to be at peace with job to be happy in life .
Firstly, job satisfaction is crucial for mental tranquility because people become sluggish when they’re not at peace with their work .Moreover ,people become sleepy and less energetic if they are not content ,hence (thus is more appropriate) reducing thier productivity which is hazardous both for the company as well as the indivisual. Often life becomes monotonous for such indivisuals ,hence hampering thier success .unsatifaction (dissatisfaction) make(s) people suseptible to depression and they become irritable .For example my friend who worked in Google quit his job to follow his passion in singing and is now happily composing songs in Bollywood ,furthermore he is a well-known name in Indian music industry.
Secondly people often exacerbate (this word means to make something worse, which is not appropriate here, exaggerate is more appropriate) the importance of money but actually materialistic things don’t make much difference in the far future(long term is better usage) .Materialism often promotes a fraudulent life sucking out dreams and aspirations out of people hence leaving them hollow and sad inside ,spiralling into a pit of sadness and depression .for example celebrities who lead a luxurious life are often depressed and anxious hence proving money cannot buy happiness
In conclusion i opine that money cannot buy peace and one need(s) to love his job (in order) to progress in every prospect of life therefore it is essential to have job satisfaction for mental peace.
Feedback:
It was an excellent work in terms of the sentence construction as well as maintaining the proper structure of the essay. Few grammatical errors are noted which are pointed out. Couple of spelling mistakes are also noted like the word individual and susceptible. You also used a wrong word unsatisfaction, what should be dissatisfaction. Try to proof read everything after you have completed your writing. Excellent use of vocabulary and this is going to get your full marks in lexical resources.
