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  • Anureet

    Member
    July 22, 2021 at 12:53 PM
    140 Network Points
    Activity Points 15810

    Introduction- also problems later on life- rephrase it

    BP 1: that can arise that people socialising- that can arise when people socialize

    Whereas- include this clause with the previous sentence

    reserved- secluded

    BP 2: as a result people will get depressed- you have already included this point in the previous paragraph

    Write a complete body paragraph 2. Dont leave line in between for second point which started from secondly

    fake information- identities

    Trap in- get trapped in

    Monitoring it- monitor it

    Protecting- protect

    Conclusion- sum up main points

    Band Score:3/6 Keep working!

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