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INTRODUCTION: paraphrase the question statement
without deep- without having deep
which brings- which can bring
BP1: lot of- a lot of
higher the, the higher the social
enjoys- enjoy
BP2: Contributes- can contribute towards
something- someone
CONCLUSION: offcourse- ofcourse- informal instead use surely, definitely or indeed
shorter- a short
if judiciously- if he judiciously spends his money
capital is used in business
BAND SCORE: 4.5/6 Good. Keep writing!
