-
INTRODUCTION- people, believe- punctuation mistake- remove comma
contributing to- that contribute to
I believe that- In my opinion- clearly shows your opinion
BP1: supplies- condition
For an instance, For instance
guy-highly informal- person
high economy- high economic growth
have- has
BP2: healthiness- health and society
deriving happiness- that spreads happiness
lead go- lead
Conclusion- begin it with the conclusion linker
vitals- vital elements
directed to- towards
BAND SCORE: 3/6
