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INTRODUCTION: some people including me- first paraphrase the question statement then state your opinion in a thesis statement along with the main points which you are going to elaborate on in the subsequent paragraphs.
BP1: kids- children- kids is informal
younger days- formative years
body exercise- exercise
extra physical- physical- you are suggesting to include them in the curriculum. Hence, they are not extra
BP2: child- the child
motivate- can motivate
include- includes
lot of- a lot of
fatness-obesity
CONCLUSION: advantages- advantage
scedules- schedule
BAND SCORE: 3.5/6 Keep Writing!
