ShahbazAdministratorAugust 10, 2021 at 3:27 PM
This essay is too long. Although, there is no upper word limit (250 is the minimum), it is not a good idea to exceed it by such a wide margin. Firstly, we might make more mistakes. Secondly, our ideas may lose focus or relevance and this would affect our ‘Task Response’ score.
“In this era of digital revolution, which becomes necessary for children?”
This is what we call a rhetorical question. They are not recommended in an IELTS essay.
I believe a better understanding of ‘Task Response’ and paragraph structure would help you make your essays more concise and efficient. Your grammar and vocabulary do not show any serious errors.