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Try writing paraphrased topic question/purpose of writing after opening line in intro.
Smart watch gift which is one of the best present i have… – Smart watch as a gift, which is one of the best PRESENTS i have…
Avoid using words such as ACTUALLY/BASICALLY on the first place and if you have to, then use comma after actually
Actually, YOUR presence during the celebration meant a lot, EVEN more than THE gift TO ME.
Use comma after HOWEVER
HOWEVER, i really appreciate your choice of watch, the colour, DESIGNER STRAP, STYLISH DIAL, which has mesmerised me and makes me feel proud to show it to everyone
Ever since you presented the watch to me, i’ve been wearing it all the time.
I’ve received more than twelve OVERWHELMING gifts for my birthday, out of those, i found a book on Greek incent most exciting since, it’s getting more interesting as i’m reading it.
(I couldnt find the meaning of word INCENT, that could make sense in above sentence)
ALTHOUGH, it was a busy day, i enjoyed… USE COMMA AFTER ALTHOUGH
spending quality time with family in the morning, followed by- Dont use AND, use COMMA before followed by because you are using AND again in the sentence later
Begin new sentence from before you joined
But at least we enjoyed DANCING together after cake cutting. By adding AT LEAST you will make clear that during dancing your friend was present along with others.
Thanks again for an adorable surprise gift. {either write this way or WRITE either of surprise or present}
I recommend to use any fictitious FIRST name instead of ZZ OR XYZ
rest structure of letter is perfect, along with above mentioned corrections, do work on punctuations, they are worth marks
1.5/3
