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Opening line along with paraphrased topic sentence is requisite in intro
On receiving the present you gave TO me on my birthday
Thank you for the watch you gave TO me – {this sentence is repeating. You wrote this similarly in intro, pls paraphrase it}
Either write – the best thing about it is, or the best thing THAT i like about it is, { add comma after is}
HEADPHONES always plural like scissors/pants
HEADPHONES, Which is also very special TO ME, as…
As i was thinking to buy one FOR many days – { write planning instead of thinking}
It was one of the best birthdays i ever had – it was one of the best birthdays i have ever had or it was one of the best birthdays of my life
Then went FOR shopping with my family.
YOU HAVE TO USE CONTRACTIONS WHEREVER POSSIBLE IN INFORMAL LETTER. – i’m/i’d
USE PUNCTUATIONS WHERE NECESSARY
YOU HAVE MADE SIMPLE SENTENCES, USE COMPLEX SENTENCES TO SHOW GRAMMATICAL RANGE
STRUCTURE OF THE LETTER IS FINE, JUST IMPROVE THE INTRO, WHICH I HAVE ALREADY MENTIONED ABOVE
WRITE ONLY FIRST NAME IN THE END IN INFORMAL LETTER
1.5/3
