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The global (Global) media has become a growing segment across global ( the globe) because of its demand and influence among (over the)society. However, there are majority of people who are interested in reading local news because they might think it is different to digest, is that so? This essay will consider both points and then present an opinion.
To begin with, citizens are keen to listen upcoming news and events that are happening within the country to get a glimpse about the situation in nearby areas and enhance their horizon for taking business, investment (and) political decision(decisions). For instance, if a person wants to invest his income in public funds, he can create a good opportunity by investing in valuable companies which he had read (read about)before. Similarly, in the Covid-19 pandemic where people are not allowed to move out, media has played a critical role in communicating the case updates and state-wise new policy implementation to general public.
However, reading and listening international news had (has)changed the prospective (perspective)as it explained (explains)about a country crises, environmental impact and cultural diversity across the globe. For example, after Afghanistan (has been) conquered by terrorist group, other nations have tightened its (their) security force to protect their nationality. (nation). However, on other hand (Moreover) international news sometime (sometimes)creates awareness about environment issues that has impacted different countries. For instance, first time in the history (of)Canada (and,), its nearby nations experience ( experienced) heat wave that had indicated the signal of global warming in upcoming years. This news has led (to)new initiatives and has allows (allowed)people to think about their society.
In conclusion, news is a vital mode of broadcasting information and creating awareness among society. In my opinion, acknowledging international news could expand your knowledge bank and would help to understand the new trends with is ( which are)moving at an accelerated pace.
Observations:
Please see the corrections above in bold.
1. Article errors- Global media/ the globe….
2. Preposition errors – influence over / read about/led to / history of Canada
3. Pronoun errors- its/their
4. Missing conjunctions like ‘and’
5. Singular/Plural errors – decisions….
6. Incorrect use of lexical resource – nation/nationality, sometime/sometimes, prospective/perspective, experience/experienced
7. Tenses – incorrect use of tenses ( highlighted above)
Feedback :
There are quite a lot of relevant ideas in the answer but they are not always well supported and sometimes they are unclear. There are some areas in the answer where the organization becomes weak and the reader finds the message difficult to follow. Nevertheless, the view is apparent and there is a logical flow to the points given. There are a lot of mistakes in the answer and at some places the meaning is very hard to follow because of these errors. Although there is some appropriate vocabulary, sentence control is very weak and spelling errors / incorrect use of words limit the score. Grammatical range and accuracy seems to be very weak in the entire essay including errors in articles, prepositions, tenses, pronouns and conjunctions. There is an attempt to use cohesive devices appropriately but in places they have been incorrectly used.
Band Score: 3 / 6
