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The line graph illustrates the rate of vehicle theft per thousand ( car theft per thousand vehicles) in Great Britain, Sweden, France, and Canada from 1990 to 1999.
Overall, the car theft rate of Great Britain and Canada showed a tiny decrease in 10 years despite their fluctuations while Sweden experienced an upward trend. And France remained the same.
During the period, Great Britain stayed far above of all the countries and has been experiencing ( experienced)the highest rate (theft) in comparison to France, Canada, and Sweden. In 1990, both Great Britain and France increased sharply and stood approximately at 19 and 8 (respectively) after that Great Britain kept climbing up while France declined.
Sweden started with a small drop and after intersecting with France at about 8 (thefts) , it started accelerating and finally reached 14 (thefts) .
France and Canada initiated nearly at 6 and 7 thefts per millenary thousand vehicles (respectively) then both crossed each other and in the post-1991 time they followed a parallel change and ultimately ended up at the same point which is close to 6 thefts per thousands.
Word count: 170
Observations :
Pls see the inaccuracies above in bold.
1.rate of vehicle theft per thousand – ( car theft per thousand vehicles)
2.Overall, the car theft rate of Great Britain and Canada showed a tiny decrease in 10 years despite their fluctuations while Sweden experienced an upward trend. And France remained the same. – The data described is incorrect. Grouping is improper.
France ,Canada and Great Britain can be grouped and Sweden can be talked about separately. Even France does not remain the same.
3.far above of all the countries – far above all the countries
4. has been experiencing ( experienced)the highest rate (theft)
5. the language used is not clear and is confusing the reader.
Feedback :
Though a good attempt has been made to write the answer but the data described in the 2nd para is incorrect. Organization is satisfactory but the language used and the data described is not clear. There are some good vocabulary words but collocation errors are evident like ‘far above of all’. Tenses have been incorrectly used in some places ( see above). Sentence formation needs improvement which is rendering the meaning of the sentences ambiguous.
Band Score: 1.5/3
