[Unknown Member]

The bar chart depicts the number of seals, whales and dolphins present between the year 2006 and 2018 in the Gormez straits.As it can be visualised that the highest number of these amphibians was recorded in ( the) latest ( last ) year i.e. 2018.

The seals were reported to be almost 43 in year 2006. Following this year, there can be observed a drop ( a drop can be observed )in their number by 15 in year 2010. The year of 2014 faced ( witnessed) a rise in their number taking the count to 35 and finally, their number outnumbered all the previous figures in year 2018,when seals were reported to be almost 45.

Coming to whales, whose highest number was recorded in year 2018 and ( however) they were least in number in year 2014. In 2006,they were seen to be 23 in number making a rise by 1 or 2 in the year 2010.

A regular pattern and a constant rise can be observed in case of dolphins. The number of doplhins ( dolphins) rose gradually at a constant rate from year 2006 to 2018 with the highest number in latter and least in former (year).

Observations:

Pls see the inaccuracies in bold above with corrections in the brackets.

1. Grouping is not clear.

2. There should be proper grouping of things showing similar trend and proper comparing and contrasting.

3. there can be observed a drop ( a drop can be observed )in their number by 15 in year 2010

4. latest – the last

Feedback :

Paraphrasing and general overview are satisfactory but the grouping is unsatisfactory. Language of comparision and contrasting is insufficient as all the amphibians have been described in separate paragraphs. Incorrect sentence formation and use of words has brought ambiguity to the meaning of the sentences. There is limited use of cohesive devices.

Band Score -1.5/3