-
This bar graph provides information for the population of marine animals in Gormez straits between 2006 to 2018. Overall, there is an increase in the number of these marine animals by the end of the period with minor fluctations (fluctuations) seen for Seals and Whales.
In 2006, Seals inhibiting (inhabiting) the Gormez strait (were) witnessed around 42 in number. However for the year 2010 it dramatically declined to almost 25 in number which was still high (higher) than dolphins for that year. Thereafter, Seals population steadily increased seeing a growth of almost 20 in number by the end of 2018.
Whales, started (were seen ) at (around) 25 in number for the year 2006 experiencing a minor growth by 2 ( in the year 2010). Then it again declined and showed a sudden increase by almost a third ( to end a little under 30) in the year 2018.
Whereas for Dolphins it started at an all time low ( it was the lowest ) as compared to ( among the ) other two mammals but it kept growing at a steady rate reaching the highest of more than a half in 2018.
Observations:
Please see the corrections above in bold.
1. Inhibition- hesitation whereas inhabiting – living
2. Witnessed means to experience or see …………… Seals were seen to be (witnessed)
3. Higher than
4. For superlative degrees like highest/ lowest etc. we generally use among.
Feedback:
The writing is presented in a satisfactory format. Paraphrasing and general overview is ok. Language of comparison and contrast has been used incorrectly in some places. Grammar inaccuracies are seen in active /passive, adjectives etc., though they are not significant. Incorrect use of vocabulary is also evident in some places.
Band Score: 2/3
