AdministratorSeptember 23, 2021 at 5:14 PM990 Network PointsActivity Points 6640
Your introduction is not according to the IELTS parameters. You have mentioned some reasons in your introduction which should not be there. Put all your reasons in the body paragraphs instead of introduction.
Your first body paragraph is not giving a reason but you are telling about the benefits of local shopkeepers. That is not something the question is asking. You are going off topic.
Even the second body paragraphs follows the same style. You’re supposed to give you reasons why or why not supermarkets are cannibalise in the local shops along with examples.
I’m not going to give you a BAND score for this since it does not follow the question.