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Even though (when= not required) the child is not interested
I would like to talk about your structure a little bit.. Do not mix advantages and disadvantages in the same paragraph. This will lead to mark downs in coherence. The first and the second body paragraphs you did the same thing. When you are talking about the advantages just focus on the advantages and describe disadvantages in the next paragraph. This is a grave mistake in IELTS writing.
I couldn’t find so many grammatical errors though, which is a good thing, however I did not find proper use of lexical resource as well. Try including some good words and evenly spread them out.
Band score weightage: 3.5/6.0 (most of the points deducted due to structure)
