AdministratorOctober 11, 2021 at 12:47 PM
* “that people in senior position have the right to take decisions,”
(You probably meant to write “that only people in senior positions”, because the essay is not about whether they have the right to take decisions, it’s about whether only they should have that right or whether others should be included in that process.
* Please look up “staff” vs “staffs” , in most situations ‘staff’ without the plural ‘s’ would work even when we are talking about many people.
* some verb form problems “some confidential information (being discussed) might be discussed in the meeting, so it is considered that the decisions should be made by managers.”
“As we concern about the security” (As we are concerned…) – Please review the use of concern here, look up some sentence examples.
* Look up sentence examples with ‘plethora’, it is usually used with articles ‘a plethora of/the plethora of ‘depending on the sentence.
* in my opinion ‘On the flip side’ is too informal for an IELTS essay.
*”This also enhance” enhances