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However I completely disagree with this..
No grammatical errors to mention here, however the sentence complexity is not enough. There were a lot of opportunities to join multiple sentences together that you missed. For example:
To begin with I strongly believe in the notion that if people are not satisfied with the job it would affect their mental peace that I can cooperate with the situation that happened to me in my first job where I did not get the role I desired but the company offered me a handsome salary for a different role which ultimately I took……(no break required)
“Use more lexical resources”
Use more cohesive devices to start the paragraph.
Band score weightage: 4.0/6.0
