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  • Unknown Member

    October 17, 2021 at 11:00 PM

    From the ancient centuries, there is a myth amongst people, that men are more competitive than women. I strongly disagree with the aforesaid statement and in the succeeding paragraphs, have put some explanation in support of my disagreement.

    Firstly, every human being created by God, who is living on the earth, possesses a special skill/talent which makes them special from others in their respective fields. A person cannot be discriminated, just because of their gender, caste, or religion. There are certain examples where a woman proved aforesaid statement wrong by achieving the heights of sucess (success). Like ;- Ms. Pratiba Patil was the first lady (president) of India for two consecutive terms, Ms. Sonia Gandhi is leading India’s old democratic Party i.e Indian National Congress and Successful climbing on Mountain Everest by MS Kundu.

    Secondly, the latest government-published data shows that the literacy rate amongst women is much higher than men. There are multiple things women start taking participates in like ( There are multiple things women have started participating in like….) Combat fights, Flying fighter planes, Joining Army, leading MNC’s, Starting their own business in multiple jurisdictions and Leading Family-owned businesses. Parents have more faith in daughters in comparison to their sons,(.) Recently, MS Nadar is appointed as chairmen of 2.3 Lakh crore worth company HCL Tech in India and the Company is achieving the highest growth under her leadership.
    To conclude, it was just myth present amongst the mindset of peoples, otherwise in this world, there is nothing which a woman cant-do or can’t compete with. them.(not required)

    Feedback :

    This essay addresses all parts of this task. The opinion is included in the introduction to make the writer’s position clear, and then the following paragraphs support the writer’s position with examples and justifications. Overall, the response is full and relevant and each of the points is detailed and connected to the thesis. Paragraphing has been skilfully managed and the essay is coherent with good use of cohesive devices. Vocabulary range could have been improved . Sentence framing needs improvement.

    Band Score : 3.5/6 

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