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Introduction : It should not be just the background related to topic , but paraphrasing , thesis and outline statement needs to be there
the older one gets the more medical attention they require (they require more medical attention)
The older one gets the more medical attention they require. Hence, they require a considerable amount of medical and emotional attention. : Avoid being repetitive by just rephrasing the structure.
Feedback : Use cohesive devices to add more clarity . No example found
Band : 2.5/6