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Thesis statement is ambiguous (keep it pretty clear)
Grammatical Range needs a little bit of work. Use of modal verbs, conditional sentences.
Lexical resource could be improved as well.
Good work in terms of the sentence complexity and confidence. However the first body paragraph does not conform to the standard writing practises, the argument has been stretched quite a lot and example there’s not take enough space in the paragraph.
Band Score: 4.5/6.0
