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The bar chart (pie charts )illustrates (illustrate)the revenue sources and expenditures of a children’s charity situated in the USA in a year 2016 in percentage.<div>
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At a glance, it is clear that income from five different sources outweigh the expenses and the major contribution (contributor to Revenue Sources was Donated Food) was foodstuff whereas they (it) or (Charity) spent more on programme services.
Spending on management as well as general needs were (was) the lowest at 1.5% (1.6%) along with (followed by) fundraising which cost only 2.6%. Additionally, a significant proportion spent was on programme services at 95.8%,(.) (On) on (the )contrary revenue from programme hold(held) a very small proportion.</div>(On the other hand) Food contribution alone generated a substantial source of earnings at 86.6% which showed only one in ten difference from the largest expenditure on programme services. The second largest place of revenue was from community sources which accounted for 10.4% and an insignificant proportion was provided by other sources.
Observations :
1. It’s a pie chart and not a bar chart as mentioned in the introduction.
2. It should be pie charts illustrate.
3. Rest of the corrections are in bold above
Feedback:
The response to the question is not long enough. For Task 1 candidates must write at least 150 words but this answer is below that number. The writing is presented in a satisfactory format but there is a serious error about the kind of chart shown in the introduction which greatly limits the score. The points made in the answer are relevant to the question but could be developed. The candidate does not complete the requirements of the task because there is no clear overview. The writer shows some awareness of sentence structure however, there are frequent grammatical errors throughout the answer The answer flows quite smoothly although connectives are used less, and some of the points do not link up well. The grammatical accuracy is lacking in subject verb agreement and tenses. Language of comparision and contrast has been used well.
Band Score:1.5/3
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