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  • Unknown Member

    October 28, 2021 at 12:04 PM

    It is often believed that men are stereotypically more competitive than women. I completely disagree with this opinion. In this essay( This essay ) will discuss firstly, the role of women in the economical (economic) development and secondly, their historic participation, followed by a reasoned conclusion.

    Today women are financially independent as men. They are working in various fields to support their family and hence play a virtual (vital)role in the economical (economic) development of a country. The increment in the economical (economic) growth due to the rising participation of women is evidenced by various surveys all around the world. But in some developing countries women are still not allowed to work and participate in the financial decisions.

    The participation of women in shaping the history of entire world can not be ignored. By glancing at the history we come to know about many women leaders who ( not required)ruled the nation and passed the ( framed) laws that effect the entire country. For instance, Queen Victoria ruled England and many colonies made by her. In India Rajiya ( Razia) Sultan was a muslim (Muslim) ruler …..( complete the sentence).( Moreover) moreover, women actively took part in the protests and revolutions . In some situations women supported their kingdom from behind that’s why their name are (is) not in the history but their struggle was appreciated.

    In conclusion, women and men are equal in every aspect. It is recommended that the government in the developing countries should pass (frame) laws for supporting women so that they can showcase their abilities.

    Feedback :

    Well attempted ! The introduction is well written with a paraphrase, thesis and an outline statement. The response is well structured and coherent too with proper paragraphing however examples are missing in body paragraph 1. Apart from this some sentences in the 2nd paragraph seem to be incomplete and sentence framing also needs improvement. . Vocabulary has been incorrectly used in quite a few places and uncommon vocabulary has been hardly used in the response. Grammar errors can been seen in few places though they do not hamper the flow of the essay.

    Band Score: 3.5/6

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