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* “I had requested the hotel staff but they denied it” [( I had made a request, but it was denied) would sound better ]
* “if in case” is not correct. We do not use ‘if’ and ‘in case’ together. Either can be used depending on the context. The whole sentence was a bit confusing. I suggest looking up ‘conditional clauses’ to clarify the rules related to it.
“I’ll give you my number when I hand him over so that you can let me know if he doesn’t feel good” is how I would have written it.
4.5/6