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I am not convinced with paraphrasing , it could be more effective
Example in body paragraph 1, needs to be more relevant and well-represented
Some research shows that students can focus more in academic classes if they are happy and relaxed (which can be attained by introducing art subjects in their regular curriculum)
syllabus are( is) required
necessary (mandatory) art classes provide a
to choose their subjects. (as per their level of interest)
Band: 3.5/6
