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“I” needs to be capitalised.
From my point of view ( Body paragraph should discuss about what “some” people think – be attentive tp the question type
one good examples (example)
My daughter don’t want (doesn’t)
her loves (love)
art allow (allows) her
for example in second body paragraph is just an explanation , more precise example would be appreciated.
Feedback : Be careful with grammar especially “subject-verb” agreement.
Keep writing!!
Band: 4/6