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  • Falak

    March 20, 2022 at 5:04 PM

    In introduction, thesis statement is not highlighting your viewpoint ( as question demands; do you think merits outweigh the demerits)

    Recently, trends suggests (suggest), the option

    , it would (require) proper planning and synchronization

    well for safer and healthier upbringing of their sibling (child).

    it is more convenient for youngers (younger) parents to serve their child as compared to the older one’s (ones)

    modern demands expects (expect) parents t (to) be versatile

    sibling. – this word has been used inappropriately ; sibling means brother or sister.

    . However, care must to(be) taken

    Feedback : an effort to use different sentence structure and lexical resources is appreciated. There has been clear overall progression throughout , but there were places where use of lexical resources could establish even better cohesion ( for instance, for example etc.). Be cautious with subject – verb agreement.

    Keep writing!!

    Band: 4/6

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