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Few individuals think that a sense of competition in youngsters should be encouraged, while others feel that children who are taught to work in groups rather than doing it alone become more useful human beings.According to me, if kids are encouraged to compete with their(peers) this will be a motivation for them to achieve more.This essay will throw some light on its merits of
Competition makes children learn to work hard and develop themselves to complete their tasks independently. It gives them the joy of winning, and if they lose, they will find a way to improve themselves in the future. Obviously, students can learn from their mistakes that they have done(made) in the past. Usually, two children studying in the same house will try to compete with each other, irrespective of the class they are in. Parents used to encourage their spirit by awarding them some gifts for their success in school examinations.
Few people think that rather than competing among peers, doing things in groups and learning to co-operate with others will make children grow into useful adults. They can learn from their peer group and also improve their interpersonal skills. Working with peers will give them multiple ideas, and they can think creatively as well. Kids won’t be getting superiority complex too. They enjoy their time with their peers and learn from them side by side.
Sometimes, if they don’t have any competitors, they will show a lack of interest in their studies. So, I would like to conclude here that kids can be encouraged to compete with their age group to succeed in their goals.
Feedback:
-Words in Bold and in brackets are corrections.
-Introduction should be complete and in one paragraph.
-Conclusion is an overall summary , avoid using ‘ sometimes’ when you are starting with the conclusion paragraph.
-Need to work on synonyms and other vocab words .
-Cohesive devices/connectors are missing.
-Examples should be included in BParagraphs.
Bands – 3/6
